Last Wednesday, Philip saw his GI doctor and we scheduled the out-patient surgery to place his G-tube. He will be put under anesthesia but we shouldn’t have to be admitted this time. She will also do a scope and biopsy at the time to make sure his esophagitis has cleared up. The G-tube is the permanent solution for his feeding port. It’s called a Mic-key button. We wondered at first if that had to do with Mickey Mouse but it doesn’t, just so you know. Mic-key actually stands for something--Medical Innovations Corporation (MIC) and key is for the lock and key mechanism used for the device. I am ready to move to this permanent option. We have been coiling his PEG tube for over 5 months now and placing it under an elasticized gauze around his torso. The Mic-key button is almost flush to the skin and you insert the tubing each time and then remove it. We will also learn how to replace the actual Mic-key button ourselves. This should simplify a few things in life. We raised a small dosage of one of Philip’s medicines last week to combat tremors but other than that, Philip has been going along steadily with no unexpected events to complicate his health. We are so thankful we have not encountered sickness yet this winter. We hope to be spared completely but we also know God is still in control if we’re not. He cannot get words out now other than the occasional “Hi” when he works really hard. Smiles are getting less common as well. We try to get pictures of each time he manages to smile or laugh. We know we will cherish these in time to come. His sleep schedule is still backwards for the most part but we have accepted that’s the way it will be. Almost every night, I pray for him to get the rest he needs when he needs it, that God’s grace will settle upon him, that he will be content and that he will fulfill the purpose God has for his life.
I’m enjoying more peace than it seems I even have thus far in our journey. The Lord is working in me to change me. I am so humbled, so thankful. I can’t explain it but now, I’m thankful to be where the Lord has brought me. I’m thankful for my children just the way they are. I’m happy in my very “un-normal” life. Things I dreaded doing just months ago, I now am happy to do. I find myself singing just the same through diaper changes and feedings and medicine syringes and sometimes even baths, though they are still a battle for Philip so I dread them at times. But now that I know that God really changes us from the inside out, I have no reason to believe I won’t enjoy them in a few months. It’s all so gradual and really little by little that He changes us. I find new meaning in these verses:
“But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.” (2 Corinthians 3:18)
“And of his fulness have all we received, and grace for grace.” (John 1:16)
These communicate that “little by little” concept of how he is changing us. He is so longsuffering and knows we couldn’t handle huge changes all at one time. He keeps at us until we yield to Him in the small things and suddenly we look back and we are changed though we didn’t see it happening. He changes us from glory to glory by grace upon grace. What an amazing God!
I heard this song this morning and my heart cried out to the Lord because I identified with every line. I feel as if this is the song my heart sings:
I Sing Because
I’ve Been Singing About My Lord For Many Years
I’ve Sung When I’ve Been Happy
I’ve Sung When I’ve Had Tears
Some Folks Have Even Questioned
If It’s All Been Just A Show
But the Reason That I’m Singing
I Want the World to Know
Chorus
I Sing Because There is an Empty Grave
I Sing Because There is a Power that Saves
I Sing Because His Grace is Real to Me
I Sing Because I Am Not Alone
I Sing Because Someday I’m Going Home
Where I Shall Sing Through All Eternity
I’ve Sung to Those Walking Through the Fiery Trial
I’ve Watched Their Saddened Faces Turn Into Happy Smiles
I’ve Bowed my Head and Whispered
Lord, Please do the Same For Me
And I’m Glad That I Can Tell You
He’s Always Given Victory